Here's a couple of Chuck Norris jokes of my invention.
Chuck Norris can say Candle Jack without anything happening to hi
Chuck Norris once raped God, for lack of anything better to do. This is now known as the big bang.
Jesus may have walked on water, but Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.
There was no bomb at Hiroshima... There was only Chuck Norris.
Nikola Tesla once boasted that he could destroy the planet. No-one dared him to try.
Chuck Norris once boasted that he could destroy the universe. Everyone knew he was right.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can defeat Chuck Norris in a fight.
Chuck Norris had a stunt double doing all his fight scenes in Walker Texas Ranger. The producer couldn't afford to replace the actors he was killing.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Work work work...
Pretty much all I've been doin for the last two weeks... Sucks balls, but meh. Did my christmas shoppin today. Took all of an hour. I don't get why people need weeks and weeks to do it. Fuck that. Got shit for my family and my woman. Everyone else can get fucked lol.
In other, unrelated news, turned 19 on friday. Feel exactly the same. I don't wanna be 19. That's fuckin old man. OLD! I still feel like I'm 16 at times. And apparently i still look it. I keep gettin asked what school i go to by workmates. Haven't gone to school in a year. Hell, I've barely gone to uni in that time. But the look on their face when i say I'm at UNSW doin computer science is entertainin. But my workmates are pretty cool overall.
On another strange tangent, I'm goin to Fiji in febuary. Me and Carla are goin for her birthday. It's gonna be mcHectic. If i can, I'll blog during, otherwise I'll recap the week when i get back. I'm excited. Tickets were paid for today.
Last but not least, my 'rents are goin away for new years. Gonna have a mad party at my house. Even if no-one comes lol. Prob's shouldn't have left it to the last minute but who cares. Who ever turns up, it'll be fun.
That's the end of things i can think about that are worth talking about. About. About. About. Lolwut.
Enjoy.
In other, unrelated news, turned 19 on friday. Feel exactly the same. I don't wanna be 19. That's fuckin old man. OLD! I still feel like I'm 16 at times. And apparently i still look it. I keep gettin asked what school i go to by workmates. Haven't gone to school in a year. Hell, I've barely gone to uni in that time. But the look on their face when i say I'm at UNSW doin computer science is entertainin. But my workmates are pretty cool overall.
On another strange tangent, I'm goin to Fiji in febuary. Me and Carla are goin for her birthday. It's gonna be mcHectic. If i can, I'll blog during, otherwise I'll recap the week when i get back. I'm excited. Tickets were paid for today.
Last but not least, my 'rents are goin away for new years. Gonna have a mad party at my house. Even if no-one comes lol. Prob's shouldn't have left it to the last minute but who cares. Who ever turns up, it'll be fun.
That's the end of things i can think about that are worth talking about. About. About. About. Lolwut.
Enjoy.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
On the flawed logic of paradoxes.
You get a double hitter today. I'm inspired, 'n shit. I've just read a thing on 7 purportedly unsolvable paradoxes, where every suggested solution is idiotic. I however have elegant solutions to all of them.
1) Free will.
If god is omniscient and knows everything that is going to happen, how can we have free will?
Two solutions. One, there is no god. Too easy eh? Two, assuming the existence of an omniscient being, He would necessarily know every possible outcome of every possible action for every possible situation. It is not required that he know which will take place, as there is no fact to that which has not occurred. Actually, i have a third solution. We don't. Free will is an illusion. In conclusion; there is no paradox.
2) The crocodiles dilemma
A crocodile steals a son from his father, and promises to return the child if the father can correctly guess what the crocodile will do. What happens if the father guesses that the child will not be returned to him? The supposed issue is that if he returns the child, the father is wrong, and he shouldn't have returned the child, but if he keeps it, the crocodile breaks his word.
The crocodile kills the child and returns the body. Nothing says he can't return the child if the dad is wrong. Also, the dad's a smartass, and doesn't deserve the kid back. (also, crocodiles can't talk.)
3) Time travellers grandfather.
A man goes back in time, and kills his grandfather before the grandfather can meet his grandmother. This means that one of the man’s parents will not have been born, and the man in turn, will not have been born. This would mean that he could not have traveled back in time after all, which means the grandfather would still be alive, and the traveler would have been conceived allowing him to travel back in time and kill his grandfather.
Logically, time travel in which events of the past can be changed is impossible. It brings about the situation where the grandfather both died and didn't die. Assuming that the grandson does in fact go back in time to try to kill his grandfather, his every attempt will fail, as his grandfather does not die then. History is already written, and in it his grandfather survives. In that time period, he already existed and tried to kill his grandfather, before he was born. This involves reverse causuality, and i can't be arsed explaining it properly here, but ask me some time. Time travel is something I'm big on. I wrote an essay assessing basically this question.
4) Paradox of the heap
There are 1,000,000 grains of sand in a heap. If we remove one grain, it is still a heap. If we remove another grain, if it still a heap. If we continue removing one grain at a time, when we’re left with one grain, is that still a heap?
Realistically, it would transform from a heap, to a pile, to some other smaller abstract notion of a collection of particles. These are not clearly defined, and have more to do with the height and volume of the collective, rather than the number of entities. Is a 100 people standing in a room a heap? I'd say no. But 100 people lying haphazardly in a stable pile, I'd call that a heap.
5) Omnipotence paradox
Can God create something so heavy He cannot lift it? If he can create something so heavy he can’t lift, then his lack of strength means he is not omnipotent. If he can’t create something so heavy he can’t lift, than he is not omnipotent.
The answer to this is simple. An omnipotent being must necessarily be able to remove his own omnipotence. So yes, god can microwave a burrito so hot not even he can eat it. Because as soon as he does, he removes his omnipotence.
6) Epimenides paradox
Epimenides, in a poem wrote: “The Cretans, always liars, evil beasts, idle bellies!” However, Epimenides himself was a Cretan. If Epimenides is a Cretan and a liar, then his statement, “The Cretans, always liars” is a lie. This means all Cretans are truthful, then Epimenides’ statement is the truth. The paradox will infinitely regress.
Quite simply, the negation of "every Cretan is a liar" is not "every Cretan always tells the truth". It is "At least one Cretan has told the truth at least once." So Epimenides is a liar, and at some point a Cretan has told the truth at least once.
7) Unstoppable force.
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? If the force moves the object, then it is not unmovable. If the force doesn’t, the force is not unstoppable.
This is an impossible situation, because an unstoppable force requires infinite energy, and an unmovable object requires infinite mass. In a theoretical sense however, perhaps the object stays still, and the universe moves around it. I could not say for sure.
That's it. For those that want the original, it's here
1) Free will.
If god is omniscient and knows everything that is going to happen, how can we have free will?
Two solutions. One, there is no god. Too easy eh? Two, assuming the existence of an omniscient being, He would necessarily know every possible outcome of every possible action for every possible situation. It is not required that he know which will take place, as there is no fact to that which has not occurred. Actually, i have a third solution. We don't. Free will is an illusion. In conclusion; there is no paradox.
2) The crocodiles dilemma
A crocodile steals a son from his father, and promises to return the child if the father can correctly guess what the crocodile will do. What happens if the father guesses that the child will not be returned to him? The supposed issue is that if he returns the child, the father is wrong, and he shouldn't have returned the child, but if he keeps it, the crocodile breaks his word.
The crocodile kills the child and returns the body. Nothing says he can't return the child if the dad is wrong. Also, the dad's a smartass, and doesn't deserve the kid back. (also, crocodiles can't talk.)
3) Time travellers grandfather.
A man goes back in time, and kills his grandfather before the grandfather can meet his grandmother. This means that one of the man’s parents will not have been born, and the man in turn, will not have been born. This would mean that he could not have traveled back in time after all, which means the grandfather would still be alive, and the traveler would have been conceived allowing him to travel back in time and kill his grandfather.
Logically, time travel in which events of the past can be changed is impossible. It brings about the situation where the grandfather both died and didn't die. Assuming that the grandson does in fact go back in time to try to kill his grandfather, his every attempt will fail, as his grandfather does not die then. History is already written, and in it his grandfather survives. In that time period, he already existed and tried to kill his grandfather, before he was born. This involves reverse causuality, and i can't be arsed explaining it properly here, but ask me some time. Time travel is something I'm big on. I wrote an essay assessing basically this question.
4) Paradox of the heap
There are 1,000,000 grains of sand in a heap. If we remove one grain, it is still a heap. If we remove another grain, if it still a heap. If we continue removing one grain at a time, when we’re left with one grain, is that still a heap?
Realistically, it would transform from a heap, to a pile, to some other smaller abstract notion of a collection of particles. These are not clearly defined, and have more to do with the height and volume of the collective, rather than the number of entities. Is a 100 people standing in a room a heap? I'd say no. But 100 people lying haphazardly in a stable pile, I'd call that a heap.
5) Omnipotence paradox
Can God create something so heavy He cannot lift it? If he can create something so heavy he can’t lift, then his lack of strength means he is not omnipotent. If he can’t create something so heavy he can’t lift, than he is not omnipotent.
The answer to this is simple. An omnipotent being must necessarily be able to remove his own omnipotence. So yes, god can microwave a burrito so hot not even he can eat it. Because as soon as he does, he removes his omnipotence.
6) Epimenides paradox
Epimenides, in a poem wrote: “The Cretans, always liars, evil beasts, idle bellies!” However, Epimenides himself was a Cretan. If Epimenides is a Cretan and a liar, then his statement, “The Cretans, always liars” is a lie. This means all Cretans are truthful, then Epimenides’ statement is the truth. The paradox will infinitely regress.
Quite simply, the negation of "every Cretan is a liar" is not "every Cretan always tells the truth". It is "At least one Cretan has told the truth at least once." So Epimenides is a liar, and at some point a Cretan has told the truth at least once.
7) Unstoppable force.
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? If the force moves the object, then it is not unmovable. If the force doesn’t, the force is not unstoppable.
This is an impossible situation, because an unstoppable force requires infinite energy, and an unmovable object requires infinite mass. In a theoretical sense however, perhaps the object stays still, and the universe moves around it. I could not say for sure.
That's it. For those that want the original, it's here
Customers are the worst thing that has ever happened to retail.
This happened to me at work today. A kid comes up and grabs like 15-20 different packs of christmas cards. Takes them to his mother who says just one pack. Kid takes the rest back, stands in front of the thing, and drops all of them. I swear to god. I wanted to stab the motherfucker.
As another related story, i found 4 open, but 1/4 drunk bottles of gatorade hidden on shelves. IN THE SAME FUCKING ISLE!
Fuck everybody.
As another related story, i found 4 open, but 1/4 drunk bottles of gatorade hidden on shelves. IN THE SAME FUCKING ISLE!
Fuck everybody.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Oh silver tounge, why hath thou forsaken me.
I've lost pretty much all my inspriation to blog in the past few months. I don't know why. I have all these ideas... But like, whenever i start to write i struggle to find things to say. Or to find ways to make it interesting. Sucks balls. Anyone wanna suggest something for me to write about?
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