The best kind of reality...

So i was playing Oblivion the other day. Weirdest thing happened... I'm riding my horse between two towns, and i come across this pig roaming the road. it see's me, and charges at my horse. So i get off, and start smacking it with my steel mace, and it continues attacking my horse. I'm like "Fuck this" And start spamming it with fireballs, which do like no damage. Anyway, my horse panics and runs away, and the pig keeps chasing it off into the forest. As I'm running after this pig, my horse runs past a small demon like creature called a scamp, and the scamp starts chasing my horse too. The scamp runs past a bandit magician, and he starts chasing it. So the wizard accidentally hits the pig with a spell, and then the pig kills the wizard in like 2 hits.

I finally killed the pig, only to watch the scamp chase off my horse. I lose sight of my horse, but i could still see the scamp, so i chased it back, onto the road and into the forest on the other side. We run for like 2 minutes before it turns around and starts attacking me. So i fight it and kill it, and it manages to draw the attention of an imp before it dies. So then i have to fight this damn imp before i can find my horse. Anyway, i ended up spending like 30 minutes fighting and then looking for my fucking horse in this massive forest, all because i stopped to kill a fucking pig. WTF?

This reminded me of some more random videogame related tales. Keeping to the oblivion theme, a month or two ago, i was doing a mission where i had to steal this statue from a church. So i sneak in, dodge all these guards, and just before i get to the statue someone see's me. I grab it and sprint out of the church, and about 5 guards start following me and shooting arrows at me. Now, oblivion has this system where if you get hit by an arrow, it appears in your inventory, so that you can reclaim used arrows from corpses. Anyway, with the statue, i was right on the weight limit, so after like 3 arrows hit me, i suddenly found i couldn't move. I quickly dropped some gear and sprinted out of the town.  Outside, for no apparent reason, there's a horse standing right outside the gate. Like, literally blocking my path as soon as i went through the door. So i steal the horse, and ride off into the distance, with a guard shooting arrows at me (the ones inside never came out, only the gate guard was left).

I ride out for like ages, and then stop to see if I'm still being followed. A wolf comes out and attacks my horse. so i get off, and get hit by another arrow. Turns out there was a bandit behind me. So i start fighting the bandit, and finally kill it just in time to see the wolf kill my horse. Then, out of fucking no-where, the wolf gets hit by an arrow. Turns out, the guard from the gate was still following me. so i watch the guard fighting the wolf, and shoot some arrows at the guard, hoping the wolf would win. It didn't. So i then had to run, on foot, for like half an hour, while this guard chased me literally from one city to another. And on the way, i managed to run past a soldier patrolling the road, AND HE STARTED CHASING ME! I finally came across this little pedastle thing, where i could stand and the guards couldn't hit me. As I'm filling them with arrows (it took like 30 or 40 to kill each one), one of them glitched out and disappeared. so i loot the body of the first to get my arrows back, and the missing one appears behind me. so i have to get back up and kill him as well.

Having killed both guards, i felt the coast was clear, and proceeded intot he next town, where i could bribe someone to get the guards off me. Only, as i walk into the town, THE CAPTAIN OF THE FUCKING GUARDS FROM THE MAIN CITY COMES OUT AND ATTACKS ME! This is the captain of the fucking city guards! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM! He chased me for like half an hour, out of the city and into the wilderness, before i jumped off this clift he couldn't move around. So i move on, trying to find a small villiage i can pay off my fines, and the guard there confronts me and says i can either pay a fine of 4000 gold (i had 200) or go to prison. I was like "OMFG FUCK THIS SHIT" and went to prison. 3 months of game time later, i was free. Also, while you're in prison, your stats drop. I lost so much of my abilities that i might as well have gone down 2 levels. God it was annoying. 

There's more tales i want to re-tell, but i really can't be fucked atm. Someday, I'll write about my halo 3 related amusing stories. And other good ones. But not today...