What can we learn from games?

The real question is, what can't we learn from games? There is no subject, no matter how complex that cannot be taught with engaging game mechanics. Angry Birds and Crush the Castle teach us rudimentary physics, and it is not hard to see how more complex physics could be taught with similar mechanics. Even the disgusting or taboo could be taught through game mechanics. I hate the idea of the power of games being abused in such a mannor, but i can easily see how a game teaching such horrendous things as rape and torture can be made to be enjoyable, even subversive, slowly training your responses so that what would originally be repulsive is seen as a reward.

On a lighter note, there's so much good that can be taught though games. Mathematics can be taught subtly through puzzle mechanics without it becoming an obvious educational game. History can be taught through games that reward us for exploring historically accurate environments. Military tactics can be taught through RTS and FPS action games. There is no subject that games cannot make enjoyable and informative. What it really comes down to is what should be taught, why, and how. It is easy in games to subversively indoctrinate people, both deliberately and accidentally. Extra credits did an episode on it that can be found here. If you don't know them and you're at all interested, check out all their episodes, it's good stuff.


What's more interesting than the things games are able to teach us, are the things games allow us to explore and learn more about ourselves from. Games allow us to explore possible realities where certain points of view are held strong, or certain events occurred that create societies that are vastly different from the current world. They allow us to explore points of view taken to the absolute extreme, or the nature of humanity under extreme adversity. They also allow us to explore the very meaning of humanity itself. What makes a human a person? What separates us from animals? Or robots? Even bad games can teach us powerful things about humanity. Games where the characters fall into the uncanny valley (another thing Extra Credits have done an episode on), where they just don't feel like real people, where something is just off, they allow us to explore essential traits of real people that we would never have noticed were present, but are disturbing in their absence.

There's also a lot games can teach us about ourselves as a person. How you choose to play an open ended game can teach you a lot about both who you are, and who you want to be. For example, there are only ever two roles i really enjoy playing in any team based strategy game, regardless of the game and gameplay. I'm always either a tank, or a defender. I enjoy roles that force me to work as a team with the people around me. Neither role is really able to function solo, they rely on support from others, or provide that support. I don't like to be the damage dealer, or the solo'er. So basically I'm a team player, and i don't like being the center of attention. I'll happily take a death on my K/D ratio if it means my team get an advantage over the other. And I'm happiest whenmy job makes the job of my teammates easier.

day 18: A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Taking back sunday are fucking amazing. This isn't my favourite of their songs, that'll come later, but it's pretty awesome.

day 17: A song that you hear often on the radio

I dislike Adelle. She's a fantastic singer, but her songs just make me angry at the moment. And not in the way they're supposed to.

On morality and existensial meanings.

Formspring asked me in one of it's randomly generated questions "What is the best advice you've ever been given?"

My answer is thus: 'The universe doesn't care'.
Now this might seem really bleak, and not good advice at all. I mean, if the universe doesn't care, why do anything? Everything i achieve in life is meaningless in the end. But there's a deeper message in there. If the universe doesn't care, the only reason to do something is for the simple joy of the act itself, or the joy that the act will bring about later. I don't need to justify my actions under some twisted morality. Nor Heap praise upon a god i don't believe in, let alone care about.

The only reason to do something is because i believe it makes my world a better place. I do things only because they will at some point make me happy. If i do something nice for a stranger, i feel better knowing that i made their day that little bit more enjoyable. I date women because by making them happy, i make myself happy. And they (generally, with some depressing exceptions) then strive to make me happy in return. Pleasure is the ultimate end goal of life. The ultimate way to measure a man's success in life is by how much he enjoyed the simple act of living. A billionair tycoon can be a far lesser man than a poor african farmer. In 1000 years, Humanity will remember only the great political figures, and the tyrants. In 10 000 years, it will only remember the tyrants. In 500 000 years, it won't remember us at all, if humanity still even exists. So why strive to be remembered by everyone? All you can do is delay your fade into obscurity. And even then, only by vile acts. Instead, live life to the fullest, and get the most enjoyment out of it that you can. Because hte only point of life is to live.

day 16: A song that you used to love but now hate

Coincidentally, this was my phone's alarm for a good 6 months. I wonder if there's a connection.

day 15: A song that describes you

Hmm... I'm not really sure who I am at the moment. I'm not sure how i would go about describing myself in words, let alone a song. Hot Chel Ray's new song does a pretty good job of describing my current attitude, but that's not really me. Instead I'll show you a song that defined who i was for so fucking long. This, and a few other songs, was my entire adolescence, from age 14 until i turned 18ish. The Used, My Chemical Romance, Paramore and Blink182 practically moulded who i was and to an extent who i am now. But this song in particular takes the cake.

A brief update on my mental state, and a recap of certain important events.

I'm sure a lot of you are wondering how I'm coping with life at the moment. Or, at least one or two people. Maybe a third if I'm lucky. Well long story short, I'm actually doing pretty well. There have been some bad moments (the other day i just felt so alone. I didn't wanna talk to anyone.) but over all I've done pretty well. There hasn't been any soul crushing heartache, I haven't felt the urge to desperate rebound, and I'm not feeling a pressing desire to repeat the same mistakes. And i haven't had a return of my depression yet, which is totally fantastic. In a way, I'll miss it, it was kind of an old friend, but at the same time, I'm glad to see the back of it. It was comforting at times, but terrifying at others.

In other news, I saw Carla today for the first time since. For drama's sake, I'll describe the potential ways i thought it could play out.
Scenario 1: I'm still madly in love with her and want to get back together. This would end badly. Oh so badly. If she didn't want to I'd get my heart stomped on once again. And if she did? Things would probably end up even worse than they were before. I'm glad my heart was smart enough to avoid this one...
Because i would not be doing well afterwards.
Scenario 2: I'm still madly in love with her and every second we're together is agony because I know i can't have her. The thing about this one is that I would probably have gone on as if everything was fine, even though it would be killing me inside. I would know that it's for the best, so there would have been no way I could let it show, because I know that seeing me in pain would hurt her, and I couldn't live with that.
Scenario 3: I'm still horribly resentful of her for everything she's done to me. This would not have ended well for obvious reasons. This would kill any chance at us remaining friends over the next few months. And I would be completely justified in feeling this way.
Scenario 4: She desperately regrets everything and wants to get back together. I would have been fucked. So fucked. Because despite my brain, and my support network, and my past experience screaming "NO YOU FUCK HEAD THIS IS A BAD IDEA! BAD! NO NO NO!" I was not convinced that I could actually turn her down.
Now the point of all this is that I didn't actually know how I would feel until I saw her. I had no way of knowing how I would react to her, or how i should be acting around her, let alone how she felt about me, and how she would react. These may seem a little extreme, but they were all very real possibilities. At least to me they were. I honestly had no idea how i felt about her any more. The only things i knew were that at least some of me still loved her, and i missed being close to someone. And part of me does resent her, but i didn't know how much.

So here's how it played out. It seems almost like a compromise between my totally logical brain, and the irrationally emotional facets of my personality. They hit this nice middle ground all on their own, where I feel like I'm walking down the correct path and doing what's best for me, but without sacrificing the emotional connection that holds back the loneliness. I still love her, but not enough to risk my heart. I still resent her, but not enough to cause tension. I miss the friend, but not the girlfriend. I'm in this middle ground where i can have my freedom without the need to use it to find fulfillment. I'm not sure if that's making sense.
Basically like, I still love her, but it's not enough that i feel like getting back together is a good idea. Even if she'd wanted to. And there's enough of me that still hates her for what she did to me that I'll keep my guard up until she earns it's lowering, but not enough that the afternoon was tense. I'm at a stage where i can stop myself from making mistakes, but still enjoy her company. I don't trust her, she still has to earn that, but it's not important because I know i can avoid letting her hurt me. I'm in the right frame of mind to continue as friends.

It helps a bit that she regrets what she's done. Now that she has freedom, she's realised what it cost her. Is it wrong that i enjoy that a little? I'm not sure. It's probably not a good thing, but i can't help it. The fact that she's realised the immensity of her fuckup makes me a little happier on the inside. But i have my freedom now. And i may not have wanted it, but i definitely plan on enjoying it.

In short, met up with ex,

Day 14: A song that no one would expect you to love

I'm not sure why i like this track. I hate the rest of her stuff. It all bugs me. But this song is freaking awesome.

Day 13: A song that is a guilty pleasure

I'm not sure what they mean by this... I would assume it's a song that i enjoy but really shouldn't. But that seems to run into tomorrows 'A song that no-one would expect you to like' so i dunno. I really have no idea what to put here... Hmm.. I'm just gonna go with this one...

Day 12: A song from a band you hate

I've never liked a single song from these guys. I keep getting told that their old stuff is good, but I've only heard the new, and it's all terrible.

Day 11: A song from your favourite band

So i missed a day. It's tempting to do a 2fer today, but i think I'll just delay the end a day. Anyway, fantastic song, even more fantastic band.

Day 10: A song that makes you fall asleep

Not sure what to put here... Nothing really comes to mind, there aren't any songs that put me to sleep. So i'll put my favourite track off my favourite album for relaxation.

Burnt out

So I've been having a hell of a time these last few weeks. I'm well behind at uni, I've spent all my time at home doing assignment, I've had work, I've had a social compulsion that boarders on the pathological, and I've had to help a friend through a really rough patch. Which has left me in my current state of unbelievable apathy. On top of all that, I'm beginning to feel the crushing weight of my relationship's termination. It's all starting to come down on me. I'm really feeling the pressure, mostly from Uni work left undone, partly from the need to keep people around me as much as possible, and definitely from the beginnings of the realisation that I am once again alone. It's not a feeling I've ever been good at handling.

Hopefully this won't be as bad as my previous experiences. These days i have a confidence that i could only pretend to feel before, and i have people i can rely on to support me when i need it. I also know who genuinely cares about me, and who was only interested in drama. Not that that's necessarily a good thing on it's own, but it decreases the chance of me making a mistake later on.

In the past, I've always felt truly alone, in its most strictest sense. Like there was a crater inside me, and its jagged edges pressed into my very soul. Every second was a kind of pain you have to experience to be able to imagine. But that was the past. This time feels different. When i broke up with Jana, i was devastated. Erika left me furious. Lex, apathetic. This time... I'm not sure. I feel lonely but not alone. I feel hurt but not heartbroken (not that there wasn't any of that this time, just not right now). I feel betrayed and resentful, but at the same time, understanding and somewhat sympathetic. I'm a pretty big mess of contradictions right this second.

I waver constantly between pleading and screaming, apathy and violence. I've contemplated things i never would have before, and I'm not sure if I'd go through with them, even if I'd had the opportunity. Nothing directly self harming, although I might get beat as a consequence. But my male pride was injured, and it demands a certain sort of reparation.

As for the real issue, we're still trying to be friends. It's a bit awkward at times, we're still fleshing out the boundaries. I don't want to let her too close again, or she could easily hurt me again. But at the same time i want to keep her close enough that she's still a part of my life. I'm not sure whether to err on the side of pain or loneliness. On the plus side, my depression doesn't seem to be rearing its ugly head. I think I've fought that demon for the last time.

TL:DR
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Day 09: A song that you can dance to

So many great choices. I could put some dubstep, DnB, House, Pop even good old punk rock... I could go for a classic, or something new... Hmm... I think i have to go with Party Rock Anthem. It's getting a bit stale now, but it was the fuckin boss when it first came out. And i finaly got to shuffle to it.

Day 08: A song that you know all the words to

You have no idea how tempted i was to put Barbra Streisand by Duck sauce as the song for this week. Instead, I'm gonna put a song by one of my favourite bands that might not otherwise get on here.

Day 07: A song that reminds you of a certain event

How'd you like to hear the story of my first kiss? It's not very exciting, but it's filled with the kind of charm that only teenage awkwardness can produce. And it all started with the following song. I was at Lav, the party i mentioned in my last post, and Wolfmother came on. Now, being the awesomely cheesy and hopeless goofball that i was back then, I started rippin some major air guitar. Not, rollin on the floor doin full world championship shit, just some power strums and head bangs. Because let's face it, the intro to this song is killer for air guitaring.

Suddenly, out of the blue, some chick taps em on the shoulder and asks "Can you play that song?" So I threw her a goof ball grin and went "I fuckin wish." And I'm not quite sure how it happened, but we ended up dancing together.

Now she was a pretty lass. Which is saying a lot, because Jonno K once hooked up with 8 girls in one night at that party, so talent was pretty lacking. So I was pretty fuckin chuffed at just dancing with a pretty girl. Fuck it, I'll be honest, i was pretty fuckin chuffed dancing with a girl. The fact that she was pretty practically blew my head in. So when her friend suggested that we hook up, my naive little mind melted, and i somehow ended up turning her down. I'd like to say that i had some grand ideal of what my first kiss should have been like, but i was just fuckin scared of being a fuck up. Which ironically made me a fuck up. I'm like that. Way too often.

So anyway, I'd just turned down the advances of a pretty girl (although i didn't realise it at first), and for some reason she kept dancing with me. And then at one point, i remember thinking "She smells really nice" and completely without thinking, i did the single most intelligent thing I'd ever done in my life up to that point. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Which she followed up with a full on make out session. We split up after a time, just before the end of the night, and after it ended, i managed to get her number.

What followed was a complicated and confusing pair of relationships that had a pretty massive impact on my life over the next 2 years. I'm not sure if she just magically possessed traits i would later find attractive, or if she single handedly defined a large part of what is now my "type" of woman. All i know is that a large portion of the women I've been attracted to since have shared many of physical features or personality traits.


So there's the story. And i got so caught up in the telling that i nearly forgot the song. But i hope you enjoyed reading about one of the pivotal moments in my life. That's when i really started turning from a child into a young adult. Oh right, the song.

Day 06: A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Back in the day, me and a couple mates used to go to this underage dance party near the city. Was called Lav, and it was pretty awesome. Tomorrow's song is definitely related, but I'll share that when its time comes. For now, i can't listen to this song without remembering. Dunno why this song triggers it so much, but it does.

Day 05: A song that reminds you of someone

So this one needs a bit of the back story. The last night i was in Germany, way back at the beginning of 2007, i stayed at Jana's house. We were in that slightly awkward we're practically dating, but shit's about to go down, so we're not really dating yet,  and we were just lying on her bed, listening to music. This song came on. I'm pretty sure i cried at the time. It so perfectly captured the moment. It went on to become 'our song' which means I haven't listened to it in a very long time, for obvious reasons. But it still reminds me of all the good that came out of that relationship. And now i can enjoy that feeling, guilt free.

Day 04: A song that makes you sad

Once again, a little late. Had a fuckin sick night in the city. Had a really fucking hot chick hitting on me, but then her and her friends left the club. So i just spent the rest of the time dancing and fuckin about. A good time was had by all i think. Anyway...

This song makes me wanna cry. It's so beautiful and so sad. I love it.

Day 03: A song that makes you happy

I'm a little bit late on this one. Just had a really awesome day hanging out with a couple of really good mates. So fucking good that it ended up going for almost 12 hours.
Anyway, today's song is Nine in the Afternoon, by Panic at the disco. This song is so ridiculously cheerful. You can't not smile when you hear it. As a side not, i actually started talking to one of  the girls in the frizbee club that I'd never spoken to, and she's a massive panic fan